Loss, The Rhythm of Nature and Re-Forming Your Self

Because fall is upon us, we are naturally in the season of falling apart. Falling apart is part of the process of loss and Autumn is a good time to look at how the role that loss plays in our own development and prosperity.

In 2014 my father died. Shortly thereafter, I had a dream about a golden Christmas tree skirt that showed that half of my relationship as a daughter of a living parent was over. In the dream I was very angry when I noticed that the left side of the skirt had personal items, I had carefully sewn into the felt like, snowmen, trees, and candy canes. Now they were ripped out of it leaving just empty spaces. The symbols and ritual to do with Dad had been torn from this skirt which typically had covered the base of our family tree year after year at Christmas time. 

Dad kindled my expression and individuality by his patience, listening, and observant eye. He believed in me and helped give me a rich platform/base upon which I developed my own voice. When I was frightened or upset, he comforted and encouraged me. He fostered knowledge and education and helped me in my early years to persevere through difficulty. He brought me to different peoples, cultures, and showed me in an observing way how I could better pay attention to others actions and expressions and that these often spoke more strongly than words as it allowed me to connect on a more intimate level. 

How can there be loss and prosperity at the same time?

The prosperous part of the loss of my dad internalized him as I could not find him in the external world anymore. I had to discover and fill in the holes that were left within my own self by noticing the gifts that he gave me in a way that you can’t do until after someone dies. Through my lifetime I have carved out my own expression and have incorporated my father’s gifts into who I am. You become what you loved about them. 

The Autumn season signals us to let go and reconnect to your inner life so you can expand.

What is uniquely mine is that Dad worked more within the inner family and I have expanded this to include a greater net-working of people who want to expand and grow. The tree skirt does not just cover the base of one household tree, it has expanded to cover a community. I realize now I was seeding the re-formation of myself through the loss of my father back into the external world.